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Transformation of Consciousness

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Thursday, May 18th, 2006
5:32 am - Resh note
Just a note: I've been averaging 2 out of 4 Reshes, until today when I totally dropped the ball. I will start again at dawn!
Monday, May 15th, 2006
7:17 am - Resh
I haven't posted here in quite some time. Part of that time I wasn't doing much overt magick, and part of it I was just not writing about it.

But, I am back to the writing about it! I am getting busy with the practice.

Goal: to do Resh regularly. This morning I did a nice Resh in the back yard. It felt a bit wobbly, as it does when I haven't been doing it regularly. But it was still quite nice.
Sunday, November 6th, 2005
2:54 pm - The Spiritual Plane
I came across this quote today, in one of my textbooks:

"The idealist philosophy of mystical knowledge- that man, through initiation, could transcend the world of appearances and gain admission to the spiritual plane- saw images of reality transformed into esoteric symbols."- Kirsten Bradbury et al.


And it reminded me of another quote, one of my favorites. I think they go well together:

"There is another world, and it's this world."- Peter Straub


I think this is one of the secrets of Initiation: the "spiritual plane" is here. Maybe it's elsewhere, too; isn't it everywhere? It's a matter of seeing. Initiation opens your eyes and gives you new, different sight. Hence the term "enlightenment." After you have Initiated, you know that before, you were living in darkness.

current mood: thoughtful
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
2:24 am - Equinox Ritual (Geshtinanna)
Sat, September 24, app. 1am.
Sun in Libra, Moon in Aquarius

On the altar:
2 white candles
plate with 2 croissants and bunch of grapes
Chalice w/red wine.
Bowl of growing vines
Incense (nag champa)
Cauldron

To hand: salt, water, bowl for mixing
bells
book on Inanna w/relevant passages marked.

Candles are lit.  Perform LBRB.  Ring bell 7 times.  (7 for Unselfishness)

(I saw no need to invoke Geshtinanna as she has already been here for days.)

Proclaimed the Law.  Proclaimed that I have come here tonight to honor Geshtinanna and her sacrifice, and to ask for her grace.

Invoke the elements similarly to Liber XV.

Tell the story of Geshtinanna, Dumuzi's dream and how he called for her.  Read aloud relevant verse.  Point out that she taught him compassion and the consequences of his actions.  Speak of her mourning- read aloud relevant verses.  Speak of her offer of sacrifice and read relevant verse.

Speak of her offer of sacrifice, how she brought balance to the year and to Dumuzi and Inanna.  Geshtinanna's sacrifice brought balance to the seasons, so that the grain might grow and there might be joy upon the earth.  She also brought balance to Inanna's anger and grief, and balance to Dumuzi's selfishness and thoughtlessness.

Tie in this balance thing with Libra!

Consume grapes and wine in honor of G's sacrifice.  Speak of the virtues of each element, etc.

Call on G and ask her o grant me the gift of dreaming and the ability to understand and interpret my dreams.  The remembrance of dreams, the knowledge to understand and use them.

Drop 7 grapes and pour some wine in the cauldron to rep. sacrifice- (next time I will do this earlier.)

7 AUMGNs.  (when I did these I felt the energy rising, concentrating in my head.  I sent that energy into the food.)

Explain the significance of the bread- the handiwork of Geshtinanna's sacrifice combined with that of Dumuzi.  Eat some bread.

Thank Geshtinanna for calling me to this ritual, for attending, and for her gift and sacrifice.  Ring bell 7 times.  Close temple but leave altar.  Eat the rest of my croissant, more grapes, and drink rest of wine.  Leave one croissant and bunch of grapes on altar.  Blow out candles, extinguish incense.

I felt beforehand that this ritual would be really important, and it was.  I feel good about it.  What the effects will be remains to be seen.

When my dreams are memorable, I write them in my morning pages, so we'll see what comes up.

I think this ritual would be a good one to flesh out and do for a group.  I could have group members read the relevant parts of Geshtinanna, Dumuzi, and Inanna.  Serve feast to all members.  Make the AUMGNs a group activity.  Use the ritual as a time to consecrate a dream journal.  I think this would be good for next year.

current mood: good
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
4:24 am - Love under Will- the Love of my Angel
I haven't updated here in awhile. Not because nothing is happening, but because so much is happening and it's happening in ways that are hard to put into words. I feel like I'm doing so much Work, but very little of it is ritualized- it's more like a constant thing going on all the time, and in all the spare moments it comes to the forefront of my consciousness. It's imagic and really involves maps and connections that I visualize. Not sentences, not words, but diagrams connecting concepts. My plan is to put butcher paper on the wall and try to draw some of the diagrams out there.

Here's something that happened a few weeks ago, though, that I figured I should write:

I was lying in bed trying to sleep, and I was feeling very depressed and stressed out.I decided to try a visualization to relax myself and give myself a more safe and loved feeling.

So, I visualized my Holy Guardian Angel, cradling me in its arms, Its wings wrapped around us both. It was hard to hold this, because my visualization kept wavering into an external view, but I would pull it back to the internal view, the experience. It became easier and more thorough. I could smell Its wings. I could feel Its physical warmth and sense Its love. I felt loved and cared for and safe.

Recently, I have been feeling that my three selves are more integrated than ever before. I feel very close to my HGA, and communication is much easier. That veil is thinning.

That night, as I lay there, feeling myself enveloped in the love of my Angel, wrapped in Its arms and surrounded by Its wings, there was a moment when I really experienced union with my Angel. I was the loved, but I was also the one loving. At the same time. Seamless.

And in that moment, which was oh, so brief, and yet also eternal, I loved myself.

What an awesome experience. I've never, truly, loved myself that way. I've liked myself, taken pride in myself and my accomplishments, liked and been proud of an aspect of my personality. But I've never completely loved myself as I did in that moment of Union with my Angel.

It was beautiful. I have practiced the same visualization a few times since then. It never fails to be so beautiful, so relaxing and tender. The moment of Union is always fleeting, though. I want more.

So back to work with me- I really should keep more of a thorough record here.
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
6:40 pm - From elsewhere
I wrote this on a mailing list where someone was wondering if his specific path (shamanism) was "magick." I said that I thought it was, and further said :

a lot (most, really) of my own personal magick is integrated into my daily life, via processes that I consciously set into motion and then let sink into my subconscious mind, which is the bridge between my conscious and unconscious. These processes, once begun, work through on their own in the depths of my psyche, sometimes surfacing occasionally for examination, until they surface with new insight- with which I then begin a new process.

I love it when just what I have been trying,m for a very long time, to say, just pops out- and in fact, that's another example of just such a process.
Monday, June 28th, 2004
5:09 am - Go Lon!
I am reading Lon Duquette's book on the Thoth deck, and wow. When he is talking about Kaballah, and describing things in Kaballistic terms, he really really really echoes much of what Rabbi L told us in class. I say: whoa.

And Rabbi L told us even then that he was only going to scratch the surface. Which means that here Lon is only scratching the surface too. I can glimpse flashes of the depths and I long to explore them, but I know that I need to start with paddling.

I hope that I live a long time, so that I can learn at least some of all that I want to learn.
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
7:19 am - "Thoth"
I just had a major realization about the pronunciation of the word "Thoth." I feel sort of embarrassed that I never saw it before.

See, I've always wondered how people could get "Thoth" from "Djehuti". And I just figured it out. I don't know Greek, but just now to prove my suspicion I looked it up, and in ancient Greek "H" (eta) was indeed pronounced "ay."

Té-o-té.

/me bangs head on desk. I can't believe I never saw this before.

The only thing that doesn't make sense is that this chart says that "O" was pronounced "ah." "Té-ah-té" isn't as close a transliteration.

I wonder if the Greeks used an omega instead of omicron, or something else altogether. Must find out. An omega would give us "Té-oo-té."

Stupid English transliterations. Do not assume, people!

I just wrote to godchecker.com to ask how the Greeks themselves spelled "Thoth." I hope they can answer. This will drive me nuts til I know.

current mood: thoth-ful (I know, I know!)
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
2:55 am - Womb
So, I'm doing this hormone thing. If all goes as planned, I'm not going to menstruate for awhile. And I'm hoping beyond hope that all goes as planned.

And I am hoping with this, to again become comfortable with my womb and its energy. Sitting here, I realize that I can be conscious of almost any part of my body, but being conscious of that one is difficult. Sure, I'm fine with yonic energy, with the energy of my vulva/vagina. This is energy that I use often. But I don't have much of a relationship, anymore, with my womb. I am disconnected from it. I'd like to be reconnected to it.

I used to love to bleed. The first sight of blood would give me a euphoric rush, a great feeling of ecstatic power. That ended ten years ago. I want it back.

Dianics describe their technique as "sourcing power through the womb." I think that sounds very interesting. Do they deliberately visualize it as the root of their creative power?

I think that one large difference between myself and other magicians that i know is that I don't conceive (haha) of my reproductive organs, genitalia and womb, as being the seat or root of my creative power. I think these can be useful metaphors, but they are metaphors only. I know that the source of my creative power is my Self. The Self doesn't reside in any one part of the body. My Self is in every one of my cells, and they each influence the other.
Sunday, March 7th, 2004
1:19 am - Tree of Life
In Sumerian, the word "gestin", meaning "grapevine", "bunch of grapes" and "grape juice" or "wine", is a compound-sign word. It's elements are "ges", which means "tree", and "tin" which means "life".

I could absolutely picture the sephiroth as a bunch of grapes.

The cup of the wine of life.

current mood: joyful
Saturday, December 27th, 2003
4:37 am - Solar Adoration
Nice verse to 'compose myself to meditation':

"Listen to the exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this day, for it is life, the very life of life!
In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence: the splendour of beauty, the bliss of growth, the glory of action.
For yesterday is only a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision, but today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!"

From 11days
Monday, August 19th, 2002
9:00 am - Love under Will
I've mentioned before that I like the concept of Love being the foundation of Will- Love is not "under" Will in the sense that it is secondary to or subjugated to Will, but rather that Love is the foundation from which Will can grow strong.

In my mind, I imagine Love as the ground, and Will as a tree growing from it, rooted in Love, but still reaching ever upward.

And that usually brings to mind the Christian fable of the man who built his house upon a rock. The man who built his house upon sand lost all in the storm , but the man who built his house on the rock persevered. Love, agape, is strong. It endures. If we build our Will upon Love, and keep that foundation strong, it will endure also.

current mood: good
Thursday, May 30th, 2002
5:21 am - Being a buddha
"being a buddha is not being some omnipotent spiritual superman, but becoming at last a true human being. "- Sogyal Rinpoche
Monday, May 27th, 2002
2:23 am - Side effect
Interestingly, I also eat less when I am reading nonfiction, than I do when I am reading fiction.
2:22 am - No fiction
I've decided that, for one week, I am going to read no fiction.

I was thinking about this last night, and it seems like a good thing to do, to ensure that I get back in a habit of reading magickal and anthropological texts. Before I moved here, I was reading a lot more nonfiction, but since I moved here, I've been reading a lot more fiction, and only having spurts of magickal reading. Those spurts, however, are when I am at my most creative and magickally productive.

It might be hard, but the more I thought about it, the better idea it seemed, so I am going for it. If I can make it through a week, maybe I can extend that to a month. And then maybe I can go longer; maybe I can reward myself with fiction once a week or month, but primarily read nonfiction.

It starts today. Right now I am reading The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers.

current mood: committed
Sunday, May 26th, 2002
12:49 am - Interesting
This is an interesting analysis of the Qabalistic values of the word "JHShVH" (Yeshua or Jesus.) Plus, a realy good, in-depth analysis of the Ritual of the Rose Cross.

http://www.polarissite.net/RoseCross.html
Saturday, May 25th, 2002
11:07 pm - Crossings
Upon my death
release
the fluttering bird of
eternity.

(from gnostics.com)
10:59 pm
I believe a lot of things.
Friday, May 24th, 2002
4:08 am
I have been hearing music in my head for hours now.
Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002
9:38 am - Point of Tension
Ever since I did the Kundalini yoga thing the other day, I have had a sort of point of tension behind my eyes. I notice it most when I am doing deep breathing and relaxing my body- it feels like this one place behind my eyes is hard and tense. At first, I kept mistaking the feeling for tension in the muscles around my eyes, but it's not that. It's some sort of energy tension, in my head, right behind my eyes. It's concentrated in an area behind the upper bridge of my nose, and spreads out from there.

I didn't complete the kundalini yoga session (I couldn't keep up with Gurmukh) which led to some nausea on my part. I was utterly exhausted afterward- my whole body ached, and I was basically achey and fatigued for three days. I'm not going to try it again until I am in better shape. But, I wonder what this thing behind my eyes is.
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